In my days in the world when sin meant nothing to me let alone was I even aware what it was I had many friends. Now most of us can relate to that unless you were raised from birth in the Catholic Church and even then when young you error. I was 19 in the military as a Morse code interceptor it was 1981 and really I was on my own for the first time not having anybody looking over my shoulder. The saddest of stories is how many young people die in violence,drugs or auto accidents for the simple reason they don't think they will ever die. To a young man of age range 16 to 25 there is no fear of death because you feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof. This is true except (in most cases) when you sit and have a heart to heart about death,judgement and the realities of Hell, Heaven and Purgatory. If you have done this bravo if not you may want to try this as your children first enter their first taste of freedom.
Well in these days I had a friend named Mike like me he loved country music and loved to drink and in my present spiritual condition I was right there with him. Tuesday and Friday were country music night at the Torii Club in Okinawa. Now the Torri club was a on post club so the drinks were cheap and flowed freely to all 21 or not. It was said by many If either Mike or I were in jail the other would be right with them. Anybody knew ( which I did not at enlistment but found out quickly after basic training) that if you were MOS 05H better known as a Hog you drank. The reason you did was to get along with people you considered your friends. If you did not drink you did not fit in. As time went by in late 1981 and early 1982 our group was a total of 35 people both young men and women and your entire social life was within this group. You dated and drank and had parties together with the same people all the time allot of lifetime friends were made their, or at least I thought.
Well the time came and I was ordered to Colorado and most of my Friends went everywhere else. The girl I dated (and thought I loved and she me) went to Ft Lewis Washington. Of course our relationship did not last long with out being together. I was dumped promptly as she boarded her flight for Washington State. Lesson number one absence does not make the heart fonder it makes it wander. So I continued this same life I had known and was content with my time their. In 1982 I was dating a girl who was once again part of our party group, We got married went to meet her folks and came back to Fort Carson. Sadly trouble came early for us as she left the military to have a child. Money got tight and with the condition of my soul drinking and partying were important priorities. My wife on the other hand changed. I was looked down upon by her family because I was Catholic (but only in name) and she was Pentecostal. She began to demand change to fit the Pentecostal way of life no smoking, drinking of partying of any kind. I began to resent the attempts she made to change me because what I did before being married she also did. Now suddenly I was being hammered unmercifully by both her and her family. We were both miserable. We still were together when we left Ft, Carson but now we had a daughter. She was my life and I loved her dearly. we were then sent to Hawaii for a three year tour, I decided in a attempt to save my marriage to accept this Pentecostal faith I found to my core made me feel very empty. I could not speak in tongues and although I attended church I was still looked at strangely.
In Hawaii despite my attempts things went from bad to worse. My wife was miserable in Hawaii because she was so far from her family. We had our second child a boy. I loved him very much and was happy to be a Father to both of our children. However military life is time demanding and I had to spend many hours at work. So I began to realize I no longer fit in anywhere. I didn't party anymore and the Church treated me sort of like a stray dog. They kept a distance and were very nice to me but it was a plastic nice. After two years of our three year tour my wife wanted to go home. There was no other choice except to let her go. I stopped going to the Church who treated me like a leper and tried to live out my last year in relative peace. Sadly peace was not to be had. I was being hammered to get out of the military any way I could (I still had 3 years on my enlistment). So the only way out was to get a dishonorable discharge.
It was made even worse when disaster struck close to my heart. I was in charge of a bay. Now to most Army they would say I had a squad. But a bay was anywhere from 1 to 24 people. I had 13. It was approaching Christmas when one of my young soldiers asked me for leave to go home for Christmas. I submitted the paperwork and it was denied. Now I would not have any of that as I knew she had not been home since joining the Army and I was dedicated to getting her leave. After a couple of days she got her leave (I think the Company Commander just wanted to keep me away from his desk). So she flew home and her Husband stayed in Hawaii due to his job and taking care of the house she would be gone for 21 days.
One night as I was coming back from a concert at a club. I entered the company barracks and was asked by the CQ (charge of quarters) if I knew a Kelly (last name withheld) and I said yes I did I was her squad leader. I was then informed that she had died earlier that day in a traffic accident returning from a church concert. I was almost struck dead by the blow of this news. I went on auto-pilot and contacted my CO as to the situation. He said it was too late for him to go to her husbands home and deal with this. I was instructed to go to the home and make sure he was okay and in the morning lead the CO to his house. This made matters far worse for me as the thought of the hard fight to get her leave approved I began to feel responsible. I went to their home and the husband was quite distraught as he like her was all of maybe 19. The knowledge of death had all to soon came home to he and me. The next day I took the Commander to his house and was instructed to let the Army handle it now.
The emotional crisis I went through was deep my soldier was dead and I was responsible. I had no wife with me to work through it and friends were scarce. I spent a couple of sleepless nights in my barracks room getting deeper and deeper into a depression. I was asked to write a Eulogy for her as a memorial mass would be held to honor our lost comrade. I wrote the Eulogy and poured my heart out into it. I do not say this out of pride but it was beautiful. I went to sleep that night out of more emotional exhaustion than anything else. I was awakened by a knock on the door and was informed I was 15 minutes late to her service. I quickly jumped into my dress uniform and rushed to the chapel. I could hear the critical whispers as I walked to the podium. I was late, how could I be so rude the people whispered, however I was numb and delivered what my Commander called the best Eulogy he had ever heard. He sent a copy to her family. I based my eulogy on the premise as that we slept together (we worked a shift as the station had to be manned 24 hours a day). so everybody in this group had the same schedule. I really felt we were a family as we worked,slept, celebrated and everything else together. It was a work of art delivered by a suffering soul. I would spend many months in a depression and was being alienated from everybody. Most ridiculed me because I was different and the Commander decided to let me work through it. No wife (she was at her Mothers, no family in the unit and very alone. Still I did not consider going to God in prayer I tried to do it on my own.
Second rule if you think your friends are family you are very mistaken. Hard time will come and your friends will be no where to be found. Third rule You can do nothing without God so why are you trying to do it yourself you are headed for failure. I left Hawaii headed for Fort Bliss Texas in 1986. I was still dealing with these feelings of guilt and although back with my family my wife was their in name only there was no compassion, love or even friendship there. I began to spend more time away from home and in the barracks as I buried myself in my work and also joined a small group of guys who were in to gaming. Family only in name my wife announced she was leaving with the kids and getting a divorce. The next day I left for work at 6AM and by 6PM when I got home everything was gone I was left with a TV, alarm clock and decorative wall hangings three of them with the words I love you. I saw it as a pretty sick joke. The divorce proceeded and was finalized in June 1988. I was again alone.
Fourth rule even family will leave you if times get hard, When getting married ask God to help make sure your decision is a good one. I spent most of the next year alone buried in my work and was considered by all to be a quality soldier. Early in 1988 I finally broke down and begged God to bring somebody in my life that I could love and who could love me. A week later I met my current wife in a parking lot of my barracks. For the next 23 years and still today we are together and very much still in love. I cannot express my gratitude to God enough for bring her to me. She has stood by me in hard times and through times that I had sank into the depths of sin. She stood by me through it all and I today have 5 wonderful children and a new Grandchild to be thankful for. I finally rejoined the Catholic faith and have a joy I have missed beyond all imagination for many years. At my first Reconciliation since my return I wept bitterly I felt the weight of my sins leave me and said goodbye to a life in a black hole forever. However I wept most of all for 35 years of time lost that I should have been serving God there is no explanation of the sadness you fell at the lost opportunities of serving God.
Fifth rule you can never have back time lost but you can find forgiveness in God. Since rejoining the Catholic faith we have found joy in every day of our lives beyond measure. I am a new person made so by the work of the Holy Ghost and I thank God as well as his son Jesus Christ to consider someone as low as I for a second chance. There is allot I cannot change nor ever will there after all are penalties to be paid for sin both here on Earth and after we pass to the presence of God. just about three years ago I was contacted by Jim he was one of our group members from Okinawa we were both allot older. We spoke on the phone and Jim came to where I lived to visit. It was a disaster. I had changed and Jim was expecting to find the same person he knew some 25 years ago. I had changed and he had not we rarely speak now if at all. Rule six We cannot go back after coming home to the Catholic Church at least no being the same.
I spoke in the beginning about kids 16 years old and having no knowledge of death and the cost of sin. It took me 30 years of trying to do it all by myself and still after I discovered God was needed at every step and breath of my life another 4 years to come home to the Holy Roman Catholic Church. Since I have a had fire in my heart I never knew before and I thank God daily for the opportunities to serve him. If you have a young adult at home have him read this. I have been where he could end up and every word of this story is true. Rule seven pray always that your children never repeat the mistakes you have made and teach them to love God early and often it may even save their lives. Until next time my brethren May God bless you home and bless all who enter it.
Note: I apologize for the very long read but it was placed upon my heart that this story had to be told. Some may find my offenses so great they will never read this page again. To those whom I offend I ask your forgiveness for my short comings. My road was tough you may thank God yours was not.
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