A little about the Blooger

A little about the author. As long as I have put my thoughts on a blog off and on I realized I have never really introduced myself. My name is Lee and I live in West Texas not by choice I am hoping to win the Redneck Retirement Contest (The Lottery) to get myself out of here and go where there is four seasons and Summers temps are not set to high broil. I was raised in a Catholic Home in name only until I was 14 years old. I really for the next 35 years sort of tried a taste of everything. From Baptist to Pentecostal to Church of God. They would attract me for a bit but then I still felt unfulfilled and empty. At  the age of 49 I returned to the Catholic Church for the first time in a long time I felt whole again. However like many of us we took off like a jack rabbit before we made sure our knowledge was sufficient as we tried to reach out and bring to others the real Catholic Church not what everybody thinks it is.
     We enter with pride and a desire to serve and often finally feel burnt out. The first rule that a returning Catholic forgets is that only through humility and servitude can we serve God. Often it is not how much you know but where God places you, Some are very simple believers and are meant to stay at this level and God gives you a task at that level. Of course there are many very knowledgeable servants who are meant to teach the very soul of the Catholic Church. I am one of the simple ones with a major disadvantage a hard as stone head. To get something across to me he has to beat me to death before I go "Oh now I see" sometimes I can almost see God shaking his head and saying "Finally".
     My favorite two stories from the Bible is The Prodigal Son (surprise) and When Christ corrected his Disciples and said "Suffer not the little children. For you must believe as these to enter my kingdom". My beliefs are as simple as that I believe all levels of beliefs however to me it is at a simplistic level a educated Labrador would tear me apart. My intention is not to preach, teach or even debate my beliefs. Although I am working on this so as to be able to defend the Church no matter the cost. I have just came through probably the most horrible time of my life. Bad knees, ankles,feet, hips and lower back. Not t mention a huge mental battles with my past actions and a few new that left me near to throwing away God;s greatest gift, Life.
     When these issues began in 1989 while in the military as a NCO I suppressed allot of physical and emotional pain. I lost a soldier from my squad. I felt the guilt because had I not fought all the way to the top to get this soldiers leave she would still be alive today. I entered the Barracks at 2200 hours when I heard the news of her death in a vehicle accident in Dallas. I called my Commander who did not want to get out of bed and directed me to go over and comfort her Husband. I knew them both as friends in a military way (If you were ever in the military you will know of what I speak). It is just above an acquaintance and just under a beer drinking buddy. He knew how I fought for that leave and how responsible I was and trying to console the Husband after the death of his wife as the old saying goes "welcome to Hell". At 0700 I lead the Commander and the Chaplin to do their jobs. I went to the barracks and slept the better part of two days. I was awakened at a yell that I was late for her memorial service at which I was to give the Eulogy. I dressed into my "Greens" and proceeded to the Chapel and gave the Eulogy. I was told it was very good, Just good enough to allow my Commander to almost copy it word for word when he wrote the deceased soldier's parents. Still today to hear taps is a very painful moment.
     So all this came together all at once and I was getting hit both Physically as well as emotionally this soon became a large cross to bear. Finally I offered it up to Christ and slowly noticed that the cross became lighter as I knew that although it took me forever to realize that every time I looked back Christ had the other end of the cross and was helping me to get better. Although I may never get better I am diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression I am told by my Psychologist that PTSD is permanent all you can do is control the triggers. Not doing so can take you to the point of depression you can't even imagine. So this is the cross I bear not any worse or better than somebody else but just my cross as we each have a cross to bear.
     Today I am trying to control my issues and move on realizing that at any moment it could come back. I am a 4th Degree Knight with the Knights of Columbus. The brothers that make up our council are great men who love and serve God as do I. I follow some of the traditions of the Catholic Church that many believe are no longer required but sadly they are still supposed to do. Women should be wearing a veil covering their heads when in Mass. I cross myself as I pass any Catholic Church as it houses the Eucharist, the very body and blood of Christ. I also cross at the sound of a ambulance and invoke St, Andrew to render aid and strength to the wounded or sick. One final note I believe that Pets do go to Heaven. My favorite poem? Rainbow Bridge.

Until next time
God Bless You