For the past year my biggest desire is find a place within my Parish to serve not only the Church but to serve Christ as well. I went through RCIA and was told that at my confirmation it is likely that I would find myself by the grace of The Holy Spirit. Confirmation came and nothing transpired to help me find my place. This to me was very troubling as well as hurtful to me as that I really wanted and still do to serve. I would venture to say if I were not married I would likely try to enter the Priesthood even if I am 50 years old.
However after some serious soul searching I discovered some things that I did not realize. Was it desire to serve or a desire to gain prestige? Pride is a very weird kind of sin, we often find a million and one ways to justify as well as convince ourselves that we are wanting to serve for the greatest good only to find deep down it is self not love that motivates you. Having found this out I went to Reconciliation Mass to seek forgiveness. I know that this has been forgiven but it is a running battle from time to time as I have been blessed to see it allot more quickly now. This also explained the reason why I had not found my calling within the Church Body.
I have found that doing things without thinking on them is sometimes the best way to go. An example is you see a lady buying a can of formula for her baby but is a dollar short. Often in these type of scenarios we often do not think. We pop up and say "I'll cover that dollar" and tell them God bless you as they depart having seen a act of kindness that is all to rare today. Now did you think about it before you did it, often not it is a impulse action that no thought enters. You did not do it out of what is in it for me. You do it as a act of love that is pure you ask nothing in return but help out of the love that Christ had for us all. In this manner some of our best acts of love have happened in this manner. We offer up pain for the souls in Purgatory. We give a cool drink to a person on a hot day, We offer help to those we don't even know and never wish anything back.
This is not to say that this is always the best way to go. There are decisions that that require much prayer,devotions and hearfelt searching of our souls to find the answer to. The difference is while the acts of kindness without thought are just that without thought. If you have to think about a matter you had best hit the knees and pray until the answer is given to you through God's grace. In this process we must pray,meditate on Bible passages as well as ask intercession for the answers we have to think about, I suggest the Rosary to start. During this time we must be very careful not to treat God like a dog wanting a treat. First in our minds must be through God ALL things come to you, even the very breath we take and every heartbeat we have. We tend in our own ego to treat God like we are teasing a dog. We give our problem to God and then take it back and try to fix it ourselves. Then we give it back to God (likely in worse shape that it was) and we allow a day or two then we grab it back. God is God we must treat him as such to do otherwise is to endanger our souls and bring true disgrace upon yourself.
Now many will read this and say I never do that, but I ask you to really explore your heart. Do you give a problem to God and then take it back. Do we forget that God must come first. Are we doing things due to pride instead of out of love and service. A great hint is this. In every Catholic Church there is "the group". You know the ones they teach RCIA or CCD or whatever and they are the in crowd. They do not mean to but they tend to shun outsiders to their group, they will be polite but in truth even the outsiders know to a degree it is forced. Going by the odds if you are part of this group your odds of being as above described is increased. This is not to offend but to expose things that can and do go on in Church. It is Christ himself who states if you are popular you are not his servant. People who serve God are usually the quiet couple with the kindest smiles on their faces and a kind word or a bit of love filled wisdom for anybody. They do not charge to the head of the pack and if you don't look hard you will miss them. It is these souls who are doing Gods will and being blessed more and more each day. Some are outsiders by choice rather than by social discrimination. These people are often people like apologists who wear the veils and bow as the Priest passes etc. These are outsiders because while they believe strongly in the Church they also support the traditions of the Church that have been forgotten or just not practiced within the Parish. Some may call them "holier than thous" but this is rarely the case. Others are outsiders by accident, you know the ones. They didn't used deodorant or shower before Church. OK on the last point it was a awful attempt at humor. We cannot change the world for Christ without changing ourselves. Be totally honest with yourself and do a examination of your faith and practices. Urge others to do so. Then we must work at every Parish to become one. One part of the body of Christ. We must pray daily that this spreads all throughout the Church and we become with Gods help a part of the Body of Christ with one voice, one mission. and one love which is The Lord God who with his Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit will be glorified forever. If we can accomplish this, Pray for this and do our part in it we with Christ can accomplish anything. It is at this point we may never have to worry about doing something that is not God's will again. Sounds like Heaven......perhaps it is
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